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toofst4love
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Name: Julia
Country: United States
Gender: Female
Interests: music~red hot chili peppers. stone temple pilots. velvet revolver. guns n roses. green day. the distillers. ac/dc.pearl jam. soundgarden. alice in chains. lynyrd skynyrd. shopping. tennis. friends. ♥ hanging w/ my bf. outdoorsy sports. clubbing. partying. movies(fav are blow and 16 candles).vacationing. pool. family guy. Grey's and DH. horseback riding. driving my ghetto fab car. melting plastic silverwear. euchre. gin.
Expertise: ♥
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/1/2004
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| I'm ready to graduate but all this change is crazy. The unknown is what bothers me. Most of my friends know where they are living next year and how many quarters of school they have left whereas I don't even know what city I'll be in. I really want to just KNOW about UC either way. Hopefully I got it because I want it really reaaaaaally bad, but waiting is killing me! If I'm moving back to Cincy, I need to know asap so I can find a place to live, possible roommates, yada yada. If I don't get in, I do have a possible job opportunity where I can work in Columbus or Cincy so that's cool. I might still go back to Cincy anyways. I've just been feeling weird lately like I need to reconnect to my roots and if I stay in Cbus I might stay too much in college/party mode when I need to keep growing up and as a person. This quarter is hard because everyone has different schedules and I don't see some people as often...it's like I'm already gone at times.
Also having guy issues. One can't accept that we're just friends and "loves me" and the other wants to be friends with benefits. Gaaah just leave me alone if you can't be normal! I miss having someone, but I don't think it's worth the trouble until I'm more settled and meet a more mature guy who is not a total dumbass.
I need to get out of the city and do something in nature again. I feel like I have my city self that likes dressing fabulous and going out but I also have my nature self that enjoys the simpler things in life and knows that I don't need to be flashy to be happy. I miss my simpler, innocent days...but there is no turning back time. I can only work on becoming a better person and changing the things I don't like about myself and learn from my mistakes.
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| I feel like demons from the past are catching up with me. I got really depressed today thinking about how bad things got with Tim...how much it hurts to love someone and have them treat you like shit...I tried so hard to make it work but it just failed. I hope I will find love again someday. I didn't realize just how much I had bottled up all of these emotions. Maybe being a wreck for a few days will be good and I'll start to move on. I have to get over the past pain to be able to find someone new. Haven't heard from Jake in awhile but whatever. He didn't treat me right either. I need to work on myself and gain my self respect back because I don't deserve to be treated like crap and feel bad about myself.
I just feel withdrawn...needing time to think and grieve. Hopefully my roommates that don't know me that well don't think I'm weird and antisocial but whatever. So what if I like to keep to myself at times. It's hard to open up after what happened last year. I felt so let down by some friends and I don't think things will ever be the same again with them...I don't even know if it's worth trying to talk about it. My heart is big and I need to protect it more. I need to deal with stuff and not run away but it's so hard. I don't know if I should see someone or not.
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| Applications are due soon and I just need to do my 3 questions. I have to write a narrative of why I want to be a PA, and I wrote one for this med school preview class I took, so I think I'll start from there. My other 2 questions are 150 words or less, so as soon as I sit down and do them, it shouldn't be a big deal. It's just hard that my whole moving process is stretched out over these 2 weeks so I feel delayed.
Moreover, I'm stressed that fucking UC will not get my transcripts sent and I'll just be screwed. I'm so scared and stressed about it! I even called for them to send me an application last week and I still have not received it. Is it really that hard to put in the mail?! I need to do something with my life next year...not just working a lame job and waiting to apply for things I missed out on. Hopefully I'll get into PA school, then the lab program is my 2nd choice. I could even apply to the PA school again after the lab program if that's what it comes down do. I can't wait to get a career I love and start my life.
Hung out with Jake and was good. Not really feeling him in more than a friend type way, so that was good to find out. I'm ready for a real relationship and someone that actually cares and is there for me. It might be awkward, but I wonder if I do need the closure of telling Jake "let's just be friends" or if the distance and keeping in touch a lil is enough. I don't know.
Anyways, I'm excited for the house, but it will be weird at first since I don't know everyone. Hopefully we'll all have fun and get to know each other before school starts. I just want to be situated in my room and clean the place because it's disgusting. That definitely cannot happen this year! And people better keep their cats and litter boxes under control or else...
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| Randomly stressing a bit. Denise's bro is way sicker than I originally thought so I hope he's ok! I didn't know him super well since he's older than us, but losses are always hard and he's young and should live so much longer. I think young people with issues scare me the most because it shouldn't be their time yet...Seth died of cancer and Syd got hit by a car...I feel like they should still be here. They were so young and had so much more to accomplish.
I also feel torn between friends. I don't think anyone is meaning to do it, but I still feel awkward and hope issues get resolved soon. Hopefully no one is trying to do this, but sometimes I feel left out or treated a lil diff when I haven't hung out with people in a few days...but I'm trying to split up my time and have fun with everyone. Wonder who I'll hang out with most next year when I'm in the house and things are different.
Definitely worrying about applications too. I've started the process and just need to sit down and do a bunch of stuff-maybe tomorrow will be the day since I have nothing to do but study for my quiz. So excited for my summer class to be over so I can relax somewhat. yiiiiikes
Hopefully meeting/getting set up with this new guy will be cool and not the most awkward moment of my life. I hope we like each other...I think I'm ready for someone new. Maybe Jake and I can be friends. I just need someone to treat me right and I don't think that's Jake. He's just too into partying sometimes. We have fun but I need a good guy and think I put up with Jake's stuff for so long b/c Tim treated me like shit at the end and I was just used to it.
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| Stressful night. Tomorrow I have "court" for my class' cases tomorrow and I'm nervous and scared! My group is last so the lawyers might be the hardest on us...sweet.  Hopefully I won't look like an idiot, or maybe everyone on my team will so whatever. I hope my teacher takes into consideration how hard of questions we are answering when she grades us. I was worried about fire works, but now I know I will be able to see them. Bars with sweet specials are really close to where they are shot off so it's all good. Can't have the 4th w/o fireworks!!! (and yes I know it's the 3rd tomorrow, but that's how we do in cbus)
So my friend Liz seems to have an issue she's upset about in her life, then picks something stupid to get mad at a friend over, and take her anger out on them. She's doing it to me for the 2nd time and I'm so annoyed. I talked and listened as a friend about her bf breaking up with her and talked about doing a girls' vacation. I cannot commit to anything big b/c I have no money...I can only really go see Sarah for a weekend or something and she freaks out like "fine I'll find someone else to go with" and signs off. Um fucking grow up and learn how to deal with your probs. Maybe I'll write her a message on facebook b/c saying something about it will prob make me feel better...or IM her and see how upset she really is. I don't want to upset her more, but she can't just do this to friends and maybe she's not aware of it.
Now I'm thinking friends is good with Jake. I looked at pictures of couples I know and they looked so happy and I don't feel that connection. I miss having something real...not that this is all a lie or anything, but it's just not amazing. I feel like he's strung me along for so long. I didn't want to make a decision while he's gone, but the fact that he hasn't really pursued me much in a dating sort of way, or really done it before he left when we were talking is like wtf man? What is so wrong with me that you don't know whether you want to date me or not? It makes me feel bad and like something is wrong with me when nothing is. I hope we have fun when I see him and it's not awkward.
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